Fashionably late, or just plain rude?

When is it acceptable to be late to a meeting or engagement, and when is it simply rude?

As with many questions in life, it depends.

In the United States, punctuality is valued. It is seen as a sign of respect and consideration. To be late conveys a sense that you do not care about the other person’s time or how they might be feeling. In other parts of the world, however, being “on time” is actually too early and is seen as impolite if you arrive at the stated time because your host is unlikely to be ready for you. For the purpose of this post, and based on my own cultural background, I will address this from a US American perspective.

I grew up in the Southern part of the US, with a wonderfully polite mother whose mantra was “if you are on time, you are late.” This instilled a responsibility in me to arrive early to my commitments. Sometimes that means I sit in my vehicle or in a lobby waiting until the best time to check in with a reception staff member or going to the office of the person that I am planning to meet. But in my mind, it is a lot better to be early and have those few moments to mentally prepare for a meeting than it is to be running in at the last minute or late.

Many times I have found myself on the receiving end of colleagues’ lateness. While we all have the odd issue that we can’t avoid, for some it is a chronic issue. Although my gut response is to be frustrated and feel disrespected, I take some time to consider where they may be coming from and attempt not to let it disrupt my mental state for the rest of the meeting. All that being said, I empathize with those who find chronically late people, well, kind of rude.

If you are a person who has difficulty being on time, consider how your behavior might make others feel about you. Do they see you as a considerate and respectful colleague? Or perhaps they have another view?

So what do you do?

• First, plan your calendar so that you have breathing room between commitments and can more easily get from one meeting to the next without running late. This will be better for you (no more stress about that ticking clock) and will show how respectful you are of your counterparts’ time.

• If you can’t avoid a conflict, let your colleague or the meeting planner know as soon as you are aware you will be late and when you can arrive. Everyone understands that last minute emergencies happen, and if you communicate what is happening, then they can either delay their own arrival or go ahead without you.

• Apologize when you are late. As in a real apology: “I am sorry that I kept you waiting.” Don’t go on about how busy you are, because this doesn’t sound like a good reason to others. When you fly into a room (real or virtual) several minutes late, lamenting that “I am just so busy,” what does that say about how you value their time as contrasted to yours? Consider that it likely translates as “your time is not as important as mine.” Certainly you do not want to give this impression to your colleagues.

• Offer to reschedule at a time that is better for others. Especially if you are significantly late (10 minutes or more), it is better to ask if they need to find another time for the discussion than to assume that they can delay their day.

To wrap up, here are some best practices to consider: be aware of your own scheduling and take steps to mitigate the risk of being late. If will be late, communicate this as soon as you know. Apologize sincerely. Offer to adjust to accommodate your colleagues’ needs.