Dealing with Toxic Environments Online

We are heading into a long year of political debates and elections in the United States, and I anticipate that also means a whole lot of uncivil behavior, especially online. The unfortunate truth about online interactions, dating back to the earliest discussion forums and messaging platforms that predate social media by decades, is that people as a group behave in ways online that they most likely would not in person. Crude or cruel language, ad hominem attacks, wild generalizations — these are just a few of the ways that people seem to become the most feral versions of themselves when they are on one side of a computer screen instead of sitting across a table or room from the person they are arguing with. This happens every day, no matter what is happening in the country, but at the same time election seasons appear to ramp up the incivility in a special way.

So what do we do when we see a post or a comment that sends us into a vortex of anger and hurt?

This article from Vox makes excellent points about managing our own behavior and responses to vitriol in the social media sphere.

My first piece of advice is to decide whether engaging with the person is going to benefit you in any way. Do you know the individual personally, outside online channels? If so, it might be worth considering how to talk with them about the ways that their comments hurt you or changed your image of them.

If it is important for you to engage with them, think about how and when would be most effective. A one-on-one conversation where you have the chance to be empathetic and to ask questions that they can consider carefully will probably be more productive than an all-caps, lecture length comment on their social media post that tells not only that person but everyone they are connected with how horrible you think they are.

Productive relationships require that we talk openly and honestly with one another. They demand that we are able to hear when we have caused hurt, and that we care enough about our relationship with the other person that we communicate when there is a conflict rather than cutting them out of our lives.

If this is a complete stranger, it is unlikely that your argument, no matter how well reasoned and based in fact it may be, is going to sway them. And even worse, it might plunge you into an endless storm of escalating arguments. The risk to your mental health and safety is probably not worth trying to convince them of their wrongheadedness.

I understand that many people feel that if you let a hurtful or hate-filled comment go without being addressed, particularly one that is sexist, racist, ageist, or otherwise targeting a specific group of people, you are tacitly approving of it. I would encourage the same consideration as above in deciding whether to engage with the other person, so that you avoid causing yourself more hurt or fanning the flames of the offender’s argument by allowing them to repeat and magnify their negativity.